Dugaan Kehidupan

Dalam kehidupan seharian kita, kita selalu berhajat pada sesuatu. Ada yang berhajat terhadap benda-benda yang paling ringkas seperti 'nak pergi shopping', 'nak siapkan kerja' dan ada juga yang berhajat kepada perkara-perkara yang mampu mengubah arah kehidupan kita seperti 'nak berhenti kerja', 'nak berkahwin' dan lain-lain lagi. 

Sebagai insan yang biasa, saya juga berhajat kepada sesuatu yang hebat dan dinamik dalam kehidupan saya. 9 bulan latihan dalam kamar/chambering period adalah merupakan 9 bulan latihan saya sebagai seorang peguam pelatih. Saya percaya kesemua rakan-rakan saya yang bersama-sama bergraduasi daripada Universiti telah menjalani kehidupan dan pengalaman hidup yang berbeza berdasarkan pilihan pekerjaan masing-masing. Walaupun menjadi seorang pelatih dalam kamar/peguam pelatih bukanlah pilihan saya yang utama dalam menerokai kehidupan selepas tamat pengajian, tetapi bagi memenuhi kehendak ayah dan ibu saya, saya teruskan juga menerokai 9 bulan kehidupan berkerja sebagai peguam.  

Dan, selepas mengira hari dan masa, akhirnya saya berada di pinggir bulan yang terakhir sebagai pelatih dalam kamar...tidak lama lagi kalau saya masih mahu menongkah di jalan ini, maka layaklah saya bergelar "PEGUAM". Selama 9 bulan ini, saya mendapati masyarakat mempunyai pelbagai pendapat berkenaan dengan seseorang yang bergelar "PEGUAM". Ada yang mengganggap mereka ini 'good for nothing' dan ada yang mengganggap mereka ini 'superhero'. Berdasarkan pengalaman 9 bulan, di mana saya berlari ke sana dan ke sini di ruang legar mahkamah Kota Bharu, cukup mengajarkan saya erti kehidupan yang sebenar. Siapa yang lebih tahu betapa bernilainya kehidupan selepas dijatuhkan hukuman mati? Siapa yang lebih tahu apa ertinya maruah diri selepas perogol dihukum penjara 20 tahun beserta sebatan? Dan siapa yang lebih tahu erti kekeluargaan dari banduan yang sanggup mencuri demi memberi makan anaknya?

Selepas 9 bulan ini, mata saya lebih jelas untuk melihat dan memahami dunia dan percaturannya. Bukan semua banduan jahat, kejam dan tidak berguna. Bukan juga setiap yang bebas daripada hukuman mahkamah merupakan orang yang ikhlas, jujur dan baik. Bahkan bukan semua "PEGUAM" itu jahat mahupun baik. 

Perkara yang terpenting sebenarnya ialah kehidupan sudah tersedia di hadapan kita, kitalah yang memilih untuk meneroka jalan yang mana. Hukum sudah jelas, surga neraka adalah pasti, yang mana satu yang akan kita pilih? Jalan yang mana menjadi pilihan?

Unexpected Life

Do you ever accidently found RM10/$10 laid before your feets while at the moment you don't even have RM0.10/10 cents inside your pocket? Do you ever suddenly got an "A" for your homework which usually you get a "D"? 

Today, a very unexpected event occurred in front of me. A boss who always ignores my existence suddenly realizes that I am inside the firm and working hardly. Not just that, he praises my work (which I'm for the first time doing it) and even amazed by it. Weird, isn't it? Well, I was happy for 10 seconds and then I noticed that it is bizarre. Let's me tell you about my boss. He is a strict and serious person. He is a very senior lawyer. Lawyers always have difficulties in praising people but, of course an exception when they talked about themselves. If he smiles to people, the so-called 'smile' does not even looked like a smile. So, can you imagine how weird when someone who never realizes that you exists in front of his eyes, suddenly praised your work? It suddenly make me scare. 

Unexpected things always happened in my life without (of course) I expected them. Just like, I never expected that I got a good result in STAM and got an offer directly from University Al-Azhar. Similar thing happened when I end up working at a law firm and about to become a lawyer instead of went to Eygpt and completing my Syariah Degree. 

From the first day I entered the firm's front door, I always wish that I can impress my boss and make him shares his secret of success with me. Unfortunately, he never realized me. Day by day, finally I give up and I don't care anymore whether he's looking or not. It becomes not that important to me at all. It's nothing and I'm tired to make him notices me or even realizes me. I usually want a small tiny little chance to show him my talents in the arts of law but I never get that chance. Weirdly enough when I already gave up, the chance comes and I'm not even think it's important anymore. 

May be it just a waste of time to be there...inside that large firm after all.      

My Old School

At the end of December 2008, I was successfully finishing my degree of Law or LLB. I never dream that I would end up my degree exactly within 4 years. I'm not even dream to enter the University for first place. 

I was a student of a poor religious school. Due to lack of economy support from the state which governed by the opponent party of the government at my time, my school didn't managed to prepare a complete facilities to it's 1200 students. However, my good teachers are the best and always be the best. Only Allah can repays whatever they did to us. 

Even though, the school's one floor buildings almost collapsed, the teachers remained happy about it and to make us, their students excited too, the old walls were painted with weird bright colours which a combination of red, blue, yellow and green. During the monsoon season, our old school would be flooded by the rain waters and in some classes, we were able to see small fishes and frogs swam in front of the doors. The old school has drainage problems since as far as I can remember. People may think such condition is pathetic but our teachers always make us comfortable with the conditions and we always laugh about it. Our teachers never scold if one of us jumped into the flood around the classes to catch the fishes, they even joined us. That didn't mean that they did not strict with us. They are very strict. If they were not strict I will not be here and writing this article.

My school is an old school but a very special one. I studied there for almost 7 years. I learnt so much there. You will never believe that I was incapable to understand or speak fluently in English before. Even, to write a long article like this, it would be imposible without the dedications of those teachers. I always love every single things about that school and especially the teachers. Sadly enough, after 4 years, I lost contact with my dear teachers. I only have a few connections with my juniors. 

As the time changed, the faces inside the old school also changed and not to forget the archievements of the school. We as the students never forget the hardships of our teachers who always will to teach us about life especially about faith and our religion. I remember once, we had a very dedicated and understanding headmaster. We were young and we didn't know that he suffered a cronic diabetes. On that Sunday routinely as ever, we had an assembly under the hot sun and he was late to give his usual speech. We had to stand almost an hour for him and we already tired to stand. When he gave his speech, some of us totally ignored him due to tiredness and the heat. We were too young to understand or to forsee what would happened next. On the next Sunday, we didn't saw him any where not like previous Sundays where he would patrolling around the old school. At the assembly, we were informed by the teachers that he passed away after an operation to remove one of his strong legs that he used to walk and stand when he taught us at the old school. The only last words that I heard from him during the Sunday's assembly was "Always try your best" with his slow voice.

Beginning of Future

At the beginning of 2003, I was preparing my self to face the second biggest examination in my life after SPM. STAM is always the hardest examination that I ever faced. It consists of 13 papers with 2 different subjects per papers and those papers must be answered in Arabic language. It is compulsory for each students to memorize three long chapters of the holy Al-Quran in order to pass STAM. If you say it is difficult, it was really difficult and it seemed at that time, it was so impossible to attempt it. STAM with its difficulties and hardships really changed my life forever. 

From the very first day, I walked my self to the average size class room of Form 6, I wished that I would make sure that I would fly myself to the oldest and the most privilage university in the world, which is University Al-Azhar. I was 18 years old back then. People nowadays are too eager to send their children to University Oxford or Harvard, but too little people notice that University Al-Azhar was opened 100 years earlier than those two Universities. Actually, the establishment of those universities are to challege the credibility of University Al-Azhar. For me, to be and to study at University Al-Azhar would be the most precious experience. The best part when you study there is you are able to study the holy Al-Quran and the treasures contain inside it. Hadith or the sayings of the last Prophet (bless and peace upon him) will be your quidelines not just in your everyday routine but also in your life. 

However, unfortunately for me ... University Al-Azhar was not meant for me. Well, I did passed STAM with a very miracle success and suprisingly (even until now), I managed to land myself among the best students in the State. I even got a trophy from the Chief Ministers for the STAM's result. God changed my life forever through STAM and I've been tested hard emotionally afterward. Knowlegde is not for free. The better you are with knowledge (especially religious knowledge), the harder the test of life for you. That's what I've learn in Mantiq.

I'm a simple Malay girl with small size and typical family. For once in my life, it felt just like I was about to enter paradise of knowledge and reasons when suddenly someone forced me to wake up. University Al-Azhar and those treasure of knowlegde just within few steps in front of me when suddenly my father (my real and biological father) said "NO, I'LL DON'T ALLOW YOU TO GO !!!!!" My dreams died all of the sudden and I felt happiness was always impossible for me. My spirit gone with the wind and every things seems impossible for me ... again. The hard part is I lost confident with my self and every thing I did afterward I did it half-heartly. It felt just like you met with an accident and lost one of your legs. I must admit my father's decision really injured me and until now, it still haunted me. 

My only regret for STAM is that I was not tried hard to convince my father to let me go to Eygpt and explore the world, as hard as I studied to learn and pass STAM. One of my friend successfully convince his parents by avoiding him self from eating and drinking. Well, atleast he tried something.

The God (Allah) orders human in the holy Quran in Chapter 32 (Surah Luqman) to respect their parents regardless whether they are believers or not. Finally, I respected my father's decision and I just hope for the best and the miracle to happen again as I hope to pass STAM previously.